Sunday, February 23, 2014

A Woman's Worth Part 3

If there is anything in the world that could make a person digress from being a sophisticated, mature responsible, member of society, to a jejune, idiotic, unscrupulous social basket case; it is matters of the heart. Just the other day I watched a small group of males and females with ages ranging from 34 to 46 act like a group of kindergartners fighting over who's playing next to who in the sandbox (pure imagination considering I've not been to school lol). And it was all due to love. Whether one is 16 or 61; throw sex and emotions into the mix, we all revert to a very primal instinct. Defense of territory. Which brings me to my third and final installment of 'A Woman's Worth'

Yinka Shonibar's Diary of a Victorian Dandy: 0.300 hours
Now I really should be doing homework, but over the last few months I've developed feelings for someone that has me very distracted. He's single, but there are a lot of women in his life (old and new) vying for his attention. This predicament that I find myself in has got me thinking about womanizers, players, dandies, and polygamists; and how they effect the value that a woman put's on herself in a relationship. 

My viewpoint on committed relationships may be a little different from most women. I grew up in a family where the patriarch had relations with multiple females concurrently, yet it wasn't governed by any particular religious belief or culture. This was not a lifestyle that my parents agreed on when they first married, but something that my father manipulated my mother into over the years. 

Cleopatra is a representation of a woman's influence over men. 
I was taught that a woman is supposed to unconditionally serve the man in all aspects; and this theory was supported with examples from various cultures, belief systems and religions. Since then I've formulated my own thesis on the subject, using biology to support my ideas. For me it boils down to this: if man had not created the institution of marriage and monogamy, as a species we'd have one primary focus. To be fruitful and multiply (AKA, the survival or our species). On average a woman produces one egg a month. Once it is fertilized, gestation is complete, birth commences and the lactation period ends, two years would have passed. In contrast, a man has nowhere near the procreation limits that a female has. His millions of sperm gives him the ability to make multiple babies with only one orgasm. He is neither the vessel nor a source of nourishment for life, giving him free agency to plant his seeds as often and in as many places as he is physically able. That being the case, I fully understand a male's struggle with maintaining a monogamous relationship. It's biological baby!

Harriet Tubman helped roughly 300 slaves
escape slavery. 

Now you may ask "Aziza, does that mean you are a polygamist?" And my answer is yes and no. 
Western culture dictates that a relationship between a man and a woman should consist of one man and one woman. Some feminists believe that any female who allows her man to be with other females, degrades and devalues herself, while putting the integrity of their coupling at risk. My opinion is that a woman sets her own value. There is no institution or belief system that can do that without her approval. You can be in monogamous relationship where your partner cheats on you and treats you like shit, or you can be the 4th wife of a loving household who has the support of 3 sister wives. You can also represent a minuscule fraction of the bedded roster of a modern day Casanova, or one half of a power couple ready to take on the world. My point is, the going rate of a female individual is set by said female individual (yes I objectified us). If a woman holds herself in high value, than others will hold her in high value also. If you know your worth, than you will set a standard for yourself, and everyone around you has no other choice but to except that standard.
Harriet Beecher Stow's Uncle Tom's Cabin was
pivotal in the abolition of slavery by garnering sympathy
for the plight of African Americans.

Granted we have centuries of oppression piled onto everything feminine. Time periods where we were declared and burned as witches because we began menstruating. Rapes inflicted on us as a spoil of war. Belief systems that alienate us during our monthly cycle, and religions that blame us for sin and suffering. But as a source of infinite power and the cradle of life, drawing those who want to own and control us is to be expected.

We as women have to recognize the power we have in ourselves. In doing so we will recognize that same power in our daughters, sisters and other women, in turn increasing the agreed value of our species.  I mean, when you think about it from a theological stand point, if man was created first, women are version 2.0 (you know, the version after the kinks were worked out). And from a scientific standpoint, female chromosomes are XX while male are XY. What is a Y but an X missing a leg (things that make you go hmmm).

Though still working on her legacy
Aziza Kibibi knows she's the shit. 
So I go through all this to say what about love and relationships? Only you can determine how to conduct your relationship.  Titles like polygamy and monogamy only have the weight we give them. When a woman understands her worth, she sets the standards of her relationship with a man and uses her power to determine what she will and what she will not allow. Whether she shares a man with another awesome female or keeps the man to herself, does not decide her value in a relationship. 
But, the value she puts on herself as a female and human being, does.  

We are the origin of humanity; we are the saviors of civilization; we are masters of ingenuity and we are the nurturers of nations. We are jewels finer than any that can be appraised by an outside source. Study and know your worth ladies, and you will find that it is beyond measure.  

Sunday, February 9, 2014

A Woman's Worth. Part 2

In an oversexed society, one challenge I've faced in raising my daughters is convincing them of the value of their sexuality. How can I expect them to heed my suggestions on when, why and who they engage sexually with, when casual sex is commonplace in the media and among their friends. 
The teenagers in my daughter's school, are engaging in sexual activity before they even know what a menstrual is. Real life examples such as these threaten to ruin all the hard work I put into establishing sexual morals and ethics in my girls. 

And don't get me started with the boys (those of body and those of mind) that try to convince young ladies that giving up the cookie  "is not a big deal" and attempt to guilt their female comrades to engage because "everybody else is doing it".  Which brings me to the point of this installment of 'A Woman's Worth'. 

If giving up the cookie is not a big deal, why are their so many people lined up to stick their hands in the cookie jar? And if everybody is doing it and seeing it and showing it, why should that decrease it's value?

As Summer's Eve demonstrates in the advertisement above, one thing that adds to a woman's worth, is her sex (that may sound sexist, but it's a fact). Men fight for it; they are inspired by it; they build careers based on it (money, cars and nice houses draws cookie like light draws moths); they go to jail for it; they die for it; they sacrifice for it; I mean, the list goes on. 

Yoni is the source of life, it is inspiration for music and poetry and has been a subject of visual art for centuries. It has been a bargaining chip in times of war and it's required to maintain civilization. Some religions and cultures believe that it's essence can increase personal power and extend one's life span. It is the one thing that no matter how available it is, it never depreciates. So I teach my girls to take care of it, keep it clean and healthy and that instead of giving up the cookie to whoever asks, make sure they know that the one they share it with, is worthy. 

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

A Woman's Worth. Part 1

I am a feminist; I am a humanist; I am an egalitarian; I am an entrepreneur; I am an employee; I am an employer; I am a writer; I am a mother; I am a survivor; I am a daughter; I am a sister; I am a woman.

I have contemplated what position I want to portray to the public concerning my beliefs politically, religiously and otherwise. Then I thought; why does it matter? It really shouldn't because my experiences growing up effects every single one of us (directly and indirectly) no matter your race, color, income bracket, political position and yes; sex or gender. 

But of course, as someone who is in the process of publishing a book, I have to take these things into consideration when it comes to marketing. As a female in the public eye with a platform concerning sex, I have to consider how I dress, what I say, how my own sexuality is received etc; if I want my message to get across. I call this the necessary evils of consumerism. But, God help me, I will stay true to myself, the cause and by all means maintain my integrity. 

Amidst the many hat's that I wear, professional consumer is one of them. I love fashion, movies, fine dining, music and technology. I can tell you when Christian Louboutins are going on sale, and which "Italian" designer handbags are really made in china. I utilize Ebates on most of my online purchases for cash back benefits, and I was a member of GILT and Ideeli before the websites even launched.  

It was through my automatic repeat of Beyonce's new album 'Beyonce', playing on my iPad Mini, connected via bluetooth to my Big Jambox that I first heard of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. (Even in my consumer hat I still learn stuff)

She is a beautiful African author who happens to be born the same year as me, five days later. She is a feminist; a humanist; an egalitarian; a writer; a daughter; a friend and my new inspiration. 

Please enjoy and share your thoughts!

Be great!

('A Woman's Worth' will be a series of short posts on this blog during the month of February, acknowledging the awesome power of female. Please check back often.)